To say that I have nightmares would be somewhat of an understatement. Ever since I was little, I've always been afraid of the average - spiders, clowns, etc. But over the years, and with much unneeded help from movies and tv (I ain't kidding), I've become so paranoid that the fears I have during the day have slipped into my dreams.
Last week I had consecutive nightmares, all different, but all violent and scary, for four nights. I wake up at 2 in the morning, panting, shaken, and cold with fear. Sometimes, if they're real bad, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't move...I don't move. I'll stay still for almost half an hour, panicking, analyzing every sound that creeks. This fear has so paralyzed me, that it makes me try and avoid sleep altogether. Needless to say, that didn't work...but did provide me with some excellent bags under my eyes.
Now, it's been creeping into my days as well. Whenever I go out, even in the middle of the afternoon, I get so afraid, that coming up the stairs to my place, I'll run to the door, or run to the car. People, including maybe you, must think I'm silly. I don't know how to explain it, it's just something that's always seemed to plague me.
That's most definitely an area of my life that I have yet to learn to relinquish my absent-minded control that I've naively attempted to keep myself. What a nerd I am. haha. To think that I could talk myself out of my fears, or try and ignore them, or whatever. Guess what hun! God, Almighty, powerful, God is full of love. And in His love for me, I have these fears. That constantly remind me, I am not (not even close to being) in control. It isn't that strange to consider that the God who loves me, also instills in me these fears that keep me awake, in order to teach me a lesson? :) That's where the powerful, omnipotent part comes in.
So, mostly to calm the storm in my brain before I sleep, here's all the passages I found about fear:
Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
**Oddly enough, I used to always say that, sometimes out loud when I couldn't sleep and was petrified of the unknown scary things lurking about. I will fear no evil, for He is with me! :) I gained so much confidence from that.
Psalm 27:1 "The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 91:1-7 **This one's the kicker** "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plauge that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you."
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
1 John 4:18 "...perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." **Guess what guys, the only perfect love I know of is the love of Christ. Perfect love (aka GOD) drives out fear.
Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."
Really? Do I need to be so afraid? Not at all. And even if I were, God is mighty. And He kicks fear's butt. :P
From: Me
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
To: All Who Have Neighbors
My neighbor's a taxi driver. Did I ever mention that?
It's strange because my town isn't exactly the kind of place where you'd expect to need a taxi - but it's nice to know, in case of anything, ya know?
You know how people always say, God puts people in your life for a reason? I believe that. But what about strangers. Even the people you'll never meet. The ones you see every day. You pass by them on your way home, but you don't know them. What purpose in your life do they serve?
Like Mr. Taxi Driver. Often I'll see him when I'm getting home in the afternoon. Sometimes I see him out my window, in a completely non-stalker way, and he'll just be sitting in his bright yellow and orange taxi car, listening to the radio. He's a short white man with lots of facial hair - reminds me of my old neighbor back in Sunny D - he was swell. I've tried making eye contact with Mr. Taxi Driver. I'm anxious to do the neighbor wave/head nod. Even though I don't him. I want to do the neighbor wave. No one here does the Neighbor Wave. Everyone back home did the Neighbor Wave. But here, everyone just kind of runs back to their homes, busy on their cells, busy with their lives. All I'm asking for, is the Neighbor Wave. I don't think it's too much to ask for, after all, all it takes is a hand gesture. =] Makes you appreciate the good things you had once. I had the best neighbors in the entire world, back at home. They knew me, they saw me grow up, we had neighborhood block parties galore. Those were some good people, I'm not saying anything about these people here, all I'm saying, is they were good, pure hearted people. =] I want to be that kind of neighbor when I get older.
I'll come home from work, be getting my stuff out of the car, and just before I duck into home, I'll look back at my neighbor, and Neighbor Wave. =]
From: Me
It's strange because my town isn't exactly the kind of place where you'd expect to need a taxi - but it's nice to know, in case of anything, ya know?
You know how people always say, God puts people in your life for a reason? I believe that. But what about strangers. Even the people you'll never meet. The ones you see every day. You pass by them on your way home, but you don't know them. What purpose in your life do they serve?
Like Mr. Taxi Driver. Often I'll see him when I'm getting home in the afternoon. Sometimes I see him out my window, in a completely non-stalker way, and he'll just be sitting in his bright yellow and orange taxi car, listening to the radio. He's a short white man with lots of facial hair - reminds me of my old neighbor back in Sunny D - he was swell. I've tried making eye contact with Mr. Taxi Driver. I'm anxious to do the neighbor wave/head nod. Even though I don't him. I want to do the neighbor wave. No one here does the Neighbor Wave. Everyone back home did the Neighbor Wave. But here, everyone just kind of runs back to their homes, busy on their cells, busy with their lives. All I'm asking for, is the Neighbor Wave. I don't think it's too much to ask for, after all, all it takes is a hand gesture. =] Makes you appreciate the good things you had once. I had the best neighbors in the entire world, back at home. They knew me, they saw me grow up, we had neighborhood block parties galore. Those were some good people, I'm not saying anything about these people here, all I'm saying, is they were good, pure hearted people. =] I want to be that kind of neighbor when I get older.
I'll come home from work, be getting my stuff out of the car, and just before I duck into home, I'll look back at my neighbor, and Neighbor Wave. =]
From: Me
Sunday, May 3, 2009
To: All Who Eat
I can't fit in my jeans anymore.
=[
I don't think I'll go to class tomorrow due to severe distress caused by non-fitting clothes. Hahaha. If only that would work. :P
I went to a friend's Bachelorette Party on Friday (my first one!!) and her Bridal Shower yesterday. I ate moderately, as I have been for most of my freshman year. Without giving too much away, let's just say, I couldn't put on 3 pairs of pants today. I had to do the jeans dance to shimmy them on, then it was murder trying to close them. hahaha. Oh God! This is pathetic! hahaha. I was literally sweating and only inhaling, trying to pull the dang zipper up - never has such a tiny piece of metal become such a large enemy of mine. =\
And now. Even as I'm writing this, I'm about to sit & eat (for the third..no fourth time today?) and have an Argentine feast. Lord, help me. =]
UPDATE: BloggerBreak from fooding. I couldn't even make it through the filet mignon. Impossible. Barely finished the mashed potatoes, don't even get me started on the chorizo! This is sad! It's not even like I'm eating too fast and then get full...nope! I just can't stuff anything else down there! Imma need a crowbar to get me out of these pants. God bless the inventor of sweatpants. Worst part: It's not even the holidays! HA! At least then, I'd have an excuse!
Oi vei.
Dessert is being brought out now. It's from my most favorite bakery in the entire world, and I can't even bear to look at it! Oh the dulce de leche! Ai mi corazon! :P Heart palpitations. Hahahaha. Am I overreacting? =\ The circulation's being cut off at my waist. Oh heavens!
From: Me
=[
I don't think I'll go to class tomorrow due to severe distress caused by non-fitting clothes. Hahaha. If only that would work. :P
I went to a friend's Bachelorette Party on Friday (my first one!!) and her Bridal Shower yesterday. I ate moderately, as I have been for most of my freshman year. Without giving too much away, let's just say, I couldn't put on 3 pairs of pants today. I had to do the jeans dance to shimmy them on, then it was murder trying to close them. hahaha. Oh God! This is pathetic! hahaha. I was literally sweating and only inhaling, trying to pull the dang zipper up - never has such a tiny piece of metal become such a large enemy of mine. =\
And now. Even as I'm writing this, I'm about to sit & eat (for the third..no fourth time today?) and have an Argentine feast. Lord, help me. =]
UPDATE: BloggerBreak from fooding. I couldn't even make it through the filet mignon. Impossible. Barely finished the mashed potatoes, don't even get me started on the chorizo! This is sad! It's not even like I'm eating too fast and then get full...nope! I just can't stuff anything else down there! Imma need a crowbar to get me out of these pants. God bless the inventor of sweatpants. Worst part: It's not even the holidays! HA! At least then, I'd have an excuse!
Oi vei.
Dessert is being brought out now. It's from my most favorite bakery in the entire world, and I can't even bear to look at it! Oh the dulce de leche! Ai mi corazon! :P Heart palpitations. Hahahaha. Am I overreacting? =\ The circulation's being cut off at my waist. Oh heavens!
From: Me
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