To: All In Need of Spiritual Surgery

I'm writing before the storm breaks through (read: I've got four essays to write in three days, and one presentation/interview to start & complete in two days :\ Have I mentioned I love to procrastinate?? ;) So, if I'm online within the next couple of days, call me up, and tell me to get my butt into gear! In other words: I'm not allowed to blogify, as per my own guidelines [for success..nah...to graduate is all I care about hahaha].

This week has been an especially blessing-filled week (although, in reality, every week is a blessing-filled week if you look at it) in terms of music & opportunity & hearing some great stories about God's love and what He's doing in the Christian music field.

Tuesday: My wonderful, wonderful, amazing best friend got me birthday tickets to go see Hillsong United in Sunny-D! I loved the entire day! Went to school in the morning, then drove to La Jolla, went down to the beach (goooorgeous), then up to the Best's dorm to reacquaint myself with her life, visited with another friend going to Best's school (we all got some ice cream, courtesy of the Best), went to the Best's house (which I haven't been to in what seems like forever), and then drove over to the concert. It was great!!!! It was awesome to have these little moments, where the crowd would be singing louder than the band, and I'd look up & look around and see nearly a hundred some people praising with all their hearts! It was just great!! And then of course, comes time for some In & Out. Because, let's face it, what is a day without In & Out? Animal fries anyone? ;]

Friday: My dad works with a man who's fiance used to by Point of Grace's manager at Word Records. Point of Grace, for those who don't know, are like the Dixie Chicks of Christian music. There used to be four of the ladies in the group, but one left, and now there's three. In any case, no matter how many there are, their harmonies on each song and intricate melodies are so refreshing. You listen to their music and think "Now that's good singin!" That's real music! Their songs always remind me of my high school choir director - he was a master of harmonies. One song we performed, senior year, had such a complex pattern of contrasting thirds and then they'd slide into a perfect chord it was jaw-dropping! It was in 8 part harmony and it just made you putty in the director's hands. =] Well, that's exactly how Point of Grace is! In fact, here's one of their more complex acappella pieces which I adore, you can take a listen and you'll hear how in tune they are with each other in tone, vowel positioning, just everything!! =]
This song is called All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name

So my dad's coworker has been very good friends with some Word Records people such as (don't mean to name drop) Amy Grant & Vince Gill, Micheal W. Smith & Point of Grace. These are people that I loved ever since I grew up singing their songs! In fact, Best & I used to want to be Point of Grace, "after they died" is what we'd say! =] haha. And he's given us a few CD's autographed by his friends, which we're so grateful for! But recently, he got my family some tickets to go see Point of Grace this passed Friday near my valley. We also got the great honor of getting to go backstage during intermission & meet the ladies and take a few pictures (up on my book of the face, if you're interested in sneaking a peek!) They have this great new song called "Heal the Wound", which I'll post the lyrics to. And it's just about how no matter how great your sin, there's a God who loves you, who's grace is greater than you could imagine.

"'Come now, let us reason together', says the Lord. 'Though your sins are
like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.'"

Isaiah 1:18

The song says "Heal the wound, but leave the scar". After all of our sins, we're left wounded & in need of love & mercy, the kind of redemption that only Christ can give. But if we were given this grace by God, and we went on living in our sins, what good would that do? Christ's love is much more powerful than that, He's freed us from a life of sin, so that we are no longer slaves to sin, but are given new life through Him. By leaving scars of the things we've been through, we can remember how incredibly merciful He is. And it doesn't matter how deep, how scarlet our sins are, our scars are, our lives have been, He makes them white as snow. =]

I used to wish that I could rewrite
history

I used to dream that each mistake could be
erased

Then I could just pretend

I never knew the me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame
away

Hide all the evidence of who I've been

But it's the memory of

The place You brought me from

That keeps me on my knees

And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar

A reminder of how merciful You are

I am broken, torn apart

Take the pieces of this heart

And heal the wound but leave the
scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of
anything

I don't take pride in what I bring

But I'll build an altar with

The rubble that You've found me in

And every stone will sing

Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar

A reminder of how merciful You are

I am broken, torn apart

Take the pieces of this heart

And heal the wound but leave the
scar

Don't let me forget

Everything You've done for me

Don't let me forget

The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar

A reminder of how merciful You are

I am broken, torn apart

Take the pieces of this heart

And heal the wound but leave the
scar

From: Me

To: All Who Worry

I know that I worry too much. It's been an awful habit of mine, like tapping my foot or making witty, sarcastic jokes, that seems to have been engraved into my being since the younger days. We all have our little habits - sometimes, depending on what they are, they can shape us tremendously. Think: a person with OCD, obviously that's a habit to the extreme. But that compulsion becomes part of that person's identity - thus, since I make witty repartee, I've become bright & entertaining. Hahaha.
In any case, since I was a big eyed little girl, I've always been a worrier warrior - I partially blame my mother, as we all do. I say warrior because sometimes my worrying champions even my own selfish expectations, and I'll begin worrying about others. I'm excellent at worrying, really I am.
The worry of the moment, which I'll share & you'll read about, because you're here, is that I was asked by a friend (*cough Casa cough*) to sing this upcoming Sunday at a church thing. We're going to a Homeless Outreach type event, and he texted me on Tuesday night & said he needed a "lady singer" which is what he always calls us. He then gave me the name of the songs we'd be doing "Before the Throne of God Above" (an old hymn that I love), "Mighty to Save", "Hosanna", "Holy Fire" & "Time Has Come". Now. I. Love. Hillsong. I really do. And I'm waaay looking forward to their concert next week. BUT. In terms of singing solos, they're not really friends of my voice! :P lol I don't know why!? I can sing them, but they're always right between my head voice & the my chest voice, & I haven't yet mastered switching between the two.
The last time I sang worship at church I was so nervous. Mmm. Scratch that. I was the epitome of nervous. And I had to solo "Lead Me to the Cross" which I also love! And then all the other songs I just did bgvs on, so it wasn't that big of a deal. Plus, Casa plays like a rock band, I'm sure you couldn't hear me anyhow!
But for this Sunday, I'm thinkin it's going to be acoustic. AND I doubt there'll be microphone. I sing pretty quietly :/ so I'm nervous. And worried. I don't know 3 of the songs, & I think Casa'll have me solo "Hosanna" (which is difficult for me). I'm extremely nervous, anxious & worried.
So worried in fact that I'm thinking of backing out. Not as a chicken, but as Casa could sound better with someone else. Idk, I'm still messing with the idea. Of course, I'd love your opinion!
Ironically enough, or..not ironically & completely & totally God trying to show me something, I got my morning verse e-mailed to me and it was this:

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead -- since he was about a hundred years old -- and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. Romans 4:18-21

I only read it once this morning when I sleepily woke up & checked my phone. The way I interpreted it was "don't doubt". There's no need to. That's what faith is for. Now I'm not sure if I still should on Sunday, there's a bit of a time constraint, but it's something I'll definitely pray about (& if you would too, that'd be most appreciated)!
:)
From: Me
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

To: Easter Eggers

Happy Easter everyone! I hope you all had a great day, hopefully spent with your families and loved ones!
I find Easter to be such a tricky day. I mean, to Christians or anyone who believes in Christ as our Savior who died for our sins & then in resurrecting Himself, gave us new life in him...well...this day is pretty pivotal. So much of my faith and what I believe in resides in the events that happened on Easter. So...the death & resurrection of Jesus...to Easter Bunny giving out colored eggs with candy...how exactly does that work?? hahaha. Don't get me wrong, I love any day that instills chocolate as a participant. Which is probably why I thoroughly enjoyed waking up this morning and finding a large chocolate bunny (whom I named Dexter) at my eating disposal. ;] Amen, right? haha.

So I suppose the festivities started on Friday. My church was having a showing of the movie The Passion of the Christ, followed by worship and then communion (although, we never got to communion). When I first saw the movie I was about 14...needless to comment on my mental capacity at that age, I didn't understand much of the details. Who did what? Who was who? Why did that happen? It was really more of an, ok, I see what Jesus went through, that's beyond awful. Well. This time was much different. In terms of viewing the movie, nothing changed. When I was 14 I watched the majority of the movie through my fingers - I covered my face with my hands because the images scared me. This time, though, it wasn't the images so much so that scared me into submission, it was the reality of the event.
I know what happened. He died on the cross for me. I understood that 5 years ago. But there was so much more that was grasped this time. Interestingly enough, my attention was most attained by Mary, Jesus' mother, and what I saw from her in the movie. I tried putting myself in her shoes...having to see her child go through this undeserved pain, not being able to help, not being able to understand why, only knowing that it was God's will. That moved me to tears. In fact, I spent most of the film staring at the ground or just below the screen on the wall. Literally it made me shutter with each whipping sound, or the feeling of rocks being pelted at you, being spit at, being abused & beaten. If you've seen the movie, you know how I felt. It's an amazing movie. Say what you will about the director, the movie is good.
After which, our two worship leaders (who just got engaged, and that deserves an awww) went up on the stage and started with an acoustic set. The girl couldn't even sing, tears choking her words and holding the melody in. The guy stepped up and sang most of it, she occassionally came in, but then her wearied voice would dissipate. Not much of the congregation was singing either. Mostly in prayer, reflection or just disbelief. As the rest of the worship band made their way up to their respected places behind their instruments, they actually all ended up not playing. They were just kind of speechless, motionless. It was like no one knew what to do, or wanted to do nothing but think & pray. The congregation began to outsing the worship leader's voice, which was falling away too. And then before we all knew it, it was just us singing. All you could hear were the people around you, filling the room. And the leaders just fell to their knees. And we kept singing. And then it grew silent for a moment, before the girl began singing "Amazing Grace". The second time around, the last ones left singing broke into harmonies that we all made up on the fly. It was beautiful in every essence of the word. And then once again, the large room grew comfortingly silent. For nearly 20 minutes, it was just quiet. No one said anything. Many fell to their knees too. Many just bowed their heads in reverance. Some held each other, and some stood up alone, holding their heads in their hands and weaping. Tears streamed down my face, recognizing everything I've done, and everything that I still hold my dad accountable for, and realizing that it was all paid for with one man's blood, on one cross. My sins, with my dad's..the ones that I remember, and hold onto. The ones that I feel too proud to forgive, the ones that I can't just let go. And I cried. For thinking that my Father sent His Son to die a horrible death for me! And that if I had been there, years and years ago, that I, or rather we, would've been the ones condemning the very one that we call our Savior.
Everyone got up, one by one, and left at their own timing. By the time I was in the foyer, my stomach felt empty. Empty like I couldn't cry anymore, or like I didn't feel I could hurt any longer - like that was all I had, all I could give.
Which is hardly true. Every day that I wake up and my mind jumps to Caro, or school, or my mental to-do list. Every ounce of energy that I spend on researching a new laptop, or watching Jon & Kate Plus 8...all of that energy, I can give! There's so much I could give. Rephrase: There's so much I have yet to give. It's time I were less selfish and foolish. How often do we wake up and think "Oh! I can't wait to serve someone today!" Let me tell you, that never happens to me. So what's going to change? =] Alot.
There's a Relief Missions foundation that the church & my valley just established. Miraculously stemming from a simple idea to help the homeless & hungry, then within a matter of 5 minutes, the Mission was founded. Two weeks later, it has been million-dollar-ly funded through very crucial support from the city and county. How crazy is that!? In two weeks!? In 5 minutes??! All it took was one idea, and now thousands of hungry in the valley can be fed. Volunteering to pass out food every Wednesday, or donating time & money into purchasing food, are just some of the things that I (& hopefully Caro) will do. But bigger picture: how much can I give?
Not money, food, time, energy, but even the little things! Like, loving my sister more & holding my sarcastic comments back. Being patient with my mom, instead of complaining so much. Showing the same mercy I've been given to my dad. And being a respectful, God-fearing lady (I'm not a woman, I'm a lady!) with Caro - showing him where my heart lies and my passion for Christ, that maybe will stir his own ambitions. Because I want to be a God-fearing-God-loving lady, daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend and wife & mother someday.

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Galatians 6:10

From: Me

To: All Who Play Squishy Sardines

Do you know the game squishy sardines? It's like hide & seek but backwards! I recommend it highly and to large groups only!

Squishy Sardines:

OVERVIEW: One person (It) goes & hides. The rest of the group counts to whatever number (or tonight we all faced the garage & sang nursery rhymes) and then separate and try and find It. Once you find It, you go and hide with It wherever It is! The last person to find It, becomes the next round's It! =]

EXAMPLE: One time I was It and hid laying down in the bathtub. Then as people found me they just toppled on top of me! It's a riot!

=] So tonight Caro held a movie night at his house - while he hates hosting things because he gets preoccupied with being a host & doesn't have as much fun - we all had a blast! We never actually ended up watching a movie...haha...I guess that's kind of the point of movie night isn't it? hahaha. Oops. Well, we always get distracted & goofy & even when a movie's on none of us can pay enough attention to care! =P Caro's sister and I made a huge bowl of popcorn (I got a kernel stuck in my throat =\ that happens to me quite often) and there were plenty sodas to go around..aka. excellent snackage! ;] Eventually though we all got the munchies and decided to take a little road trip to get some Mexican food! I introduced some to the glory that is carne asada fries (God really knew what he was doing with that one!!) and there was some table reminiscing - nostalgically sitting around remembering all the high school funnies we went through, witnessed or in some cases caused! Then I drove, yes I drove, Caro, myself & a friend back to his house & we decided to play de squish of le sardinias! ;] haha. Tis was very fun & a personal accomplishment of mine was that I managed to avoid being It! woo!! We were playing outside in Caro's neighborhood which is not at all well lit! Quite eerie actually :\ But anyhow after about an hour & a half of running up and down his street...which is a hill, mind you...it was time for moi to take my out of shape butt back home! =[

Moments like tonight just make me elated & completely happy! I have great friends & we spend a wonderful time together! There are some people in my town that, I'm sure, have nothing better to do than drink, smoke, party or live a life they never thought they'd be trapped in. But none of us are like that! We're all satisfied running around in the middle of the street looking like small children chasing each other with Barbie Jeeps!

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one
another.

1 John 4:11

Honestly blogging, that's one area of my life that I don't think I've ever been neglectful of. I'm so appreciative of my friends...really, I appreciate YOU soooo much!....it's just...a friend that you love is someone who isn't family. They're not blood relatives or second cousins, branches off your family tree. They don't share your same heritage sometimes, traditions and aspirations, but they're people who love you in spite of who you are!! haha. I'm not close to perfect, but these people, all my friends, love me for me. And the best part? They don't have to! Nope! They could care less about me, and I could care less about them...but I don't! I love them, wish them well, respect them, pray for them. They're your friend family you know? Your second family. Brothers & sisters whom you love and love you back! People that God brings into your life for a specific purpose, to teach you, show you, support you, tell you the truth when you don't want to hear it.

Last year, around this time, there was an event at school aimed at preventing teen driver accidents. I lost a friend to a very serious car accident and the images that I saw flooded back that day and I broke down as the rest of my senior class walked past me to 3rd period. One of my great friends, Mimi, hugged me real tight & just let me cry. We had the next class together, it was choir, and as soon as we made it through the doors back from the presentation, we darted straight for the back room. We just sat, I didn't say anything, and she put her arms around me and not only let me cry on her shoulder, but cried with me. At the time, she didn't know why or what had bothered me, but it didn't matter, she was there and she saw me broken - what a true friend, huh? I was broken, and she broke herself too, for my sake. Mimi is one of my only non-Christian friends, but she embodies so much grace and compassion so much so that I know waaay down deep, that it's God working through her. Because that kind of love ONLY comes from Christ!

I have some amazing friends and ever since I was little God would show me His mercy through them, every day, all the time! I'm so incredibly thankful for being blessed with brothers & sisters not only in neighborhood games, but in seeking to be closer to Him, seeking His word and showing me His love. =]

Goodnight everyone! I hope you all had wonderful days & spent them with wonderful friends!

From: Me