To: Manipulators of the Heart

I know a guy who likes this girl. He's liked her for a long time. I've known her for a long time. And in that time, I've seen the person that she is. Not only has she used me, but my friends as well, and we've all given her second chances that turned into third chances that turned into last chances. I'm not one to give up on someone, I always, always believe that there's hope for people whether reality agrees or not.
But, in this particular instance my friendship with her ended the night she gave me an ultimatum - she was dropping me off at home after a night of hanging out and said "Him or me." The Him, she was referring to, was the boy that we both fell for. She also gave him the same ultimatum, "Her, or me." The Her, she referred to, was me. He had feelings for me, and I had feelings for him. That night we both chose each other, and she didn't like that. I told her that if the situation was reversed - if he liked her, not me - wouldn't she jump at the chance to be with him? She said no, which I knew was a lie. And I said that the difference between her & I was that I would never make her choose.
That was the last time I spoke to her. Over the past year, when we were all still friends, my guy friend who continues to like her, became so warped by her that he refuses to see what she's done. In the whole love triangle that occurred she had lied to just about all of us, used all of us against each other, and made us all feel miserable & unloved. The amount of deception that she showed truly surprised me. I never believed that she could be so manipulative. Her strives for attention were carefully thought out & crafted. It was an art for her, it was a game.
So now, this girl has isolated herself. All of the people she mistreated, reasonably, abandoned her. As for myself, as I said I would never make her choose between a guy and her friend, and in fact I never told her we couldn't be friends. She gave me a decision, I chose what I felt, she didn't like my answer, and that was that. The only friend she maintains is the guy that continues to see past what she's done.
Forgiveness is a lesson I was hardened to learn last year - but nevertheless I learned it. Forgetting is something I'm still working on. And it seems the two go hand in hand. So my friend, while he won't talk to me or anyone else about her, has become addicted. I don't know if it's because he's forgiven her, for using him. I don't know if it's because he wants to believe the best in her - a noble concept, for sure. Either way this has become a situation in dire need of understanding.
While she continues to deceive him, use him, lead him on & lie to him, he knowingly continues to be by her side. Like an addict, it's his fix. "I can't help it" he says, "I just can't help but still like her." Making himself feel empty and used but not pausing to see how she's left him, he for whatever reason, has fallen for a Manipulator of the Heart.
Girls and boys love to tease. I believe it's in our nature. Some of us are better at it than others. But somewhere along the line, we all stop and realize what we're doing. We cry & guilt ourselves into becoming better - into not tempting. Well, for my former friend, she still hasn't fallen to this low. This low of deception, realizing what you've done to other people, realizing how you've hurt them, and realizing the person you've become - she hasn't gotten there yet. The hope that remains for her, is that she will fall there. That she will cloud herself in a humility and understanding of what God's salvation has done for our hearts - that we no longer need to hurt others in order to feel loved. That we are loved.
When I think about her, I have to remind myself that my battle is not with her. She's a Christian who seeks God's wisdom, and because of that single fact, I know that God will use her and because of that single fact, I forgive her.
As of now, I worry about my guy friend. It's like a rabbit hole that he peered into and has been falling in ever since - and while he's still falling, he's forgotten to use his voice, to call out for help. The hole is dark and winding deep into the ground, someone has to pull him out, someone's got to throw him that rope to pull him out. But if he's forgotten about himself, and all he can think about is her at the bottom of the hole, then he won't reach for the rope. We can't make him reach for the rope, all we can do is throw it down, and be there for him should he decide to get out.
From: Me